The Commitment Crisis: Why Showing Up Matters More Than Ever
The Commitment Crisis: Why Showing Up Matters More Than Ever
We’re living in the age of maybe.
You send an invite. People “like” the message. Some say they’ll come. A few respond with emojis. And then... silence. Or cancellations. Or just…no-shows. Not out of cruelty or malice, but something more common: fear, hesitation, overstimulation, anxiety, uncertainty.
We are, as a culture, collectively anxious about making plans. Not because we don’t care about each other, but because we’re afraid of being disappointed, exhausted, or alone.
And yet, when we don’t show up, we miss out on the very thing we crave most: belonging.
The Invisible Weight of Commitment Anxiety
Here’s what’s coming up for people:
FOMO & FOBO: The fear of missing out… or the fear of a better option. These social reflexes make it hard to commit to anything fully.
Anticipatory Anxiety: Many people feel dread before an event begins. The brain jumps ahead, anticipating awkwardness, energy drain, or social overwhelm. But ironically, research shows we often feel better once we’re there.
Pressure to Perform: We place enormous pressure on ourselves to make every moment count. Events feel like performances, not places to exhale.
Past Disappointments: A lot of us have hosted events where only one or two people showed up. We carry those memories like emotional scar tissue.
Self-protection: At its core, a reluctance to commit is often a way of protecting ourselves from future pain, embarrassment, or unmet expectations.
This has become so common, there's a name for it now: the Commitment Crisis. And it’s quietly eroding our capacity for trust, for intimacy, for real community.
Why It Matters
Community doesn’t build itself. It’s formed through small, deliberate actions repeated over time. RSVP-ing. Following through. Picking up the phone. Being there, not just when it’s convenient, but when it’s meaningful.
Brené Brown says it best: “Trust is built in small moments.” The everyday follow-throughs. The “I’ll be there” that becomes “I showed up.” These are the acts that say: you matter.
And when we don’t show up, when we ghost, cancel last minute, or keep everything tentative, we’re not just skipping an event. We’re eroding the very infrastructure that supports us.
The Say-Do Gap
We all carry two sets of priorities:
The ones we say we have.
The ones our actions reveal.
The space between them is what’s called the Say-Do Gap.
And for many of us, the Say-Do Gap is wide. We say we value connection, community, presence. But we cancel. We forget. We stay home. We disappear into our schedules and stories.
But every time we follow through, despite anxiety, uncertainty, or discomfort, we narrow that gap. We reinforce integrity. We become someone our people can count on, and someone we can count on too.
A Gentle Re-commitment
So here’s what I’m offering, an invitation:
Show up, even when you’re unsure.
Host the thing, even if it’s small.
Stay a little longer, even when it’s easier to leave.
Reconnect, even if it’s been awhile.
These are the everyday rituals that build belonging, resilience, and trust. Not just in our relationships, but in ourselves.
Because community isn’t something you “have.” It’s something you practice.
One Thought to Hold
“We become trustworthy not through grand declarations, but through small acts of presence.”
This week, notice your hesitation. Then soften it. Say yes. Then follow through. And if you’re the one who’s been let down lately? Know that your presence still matters. You’re not the only one trying to rebuild the muscle of showing up.
